Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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