i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
