I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
