hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
