i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
