Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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