you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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