im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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