either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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