Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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