Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
