Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
All the doctor said was why
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
