I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
