she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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