One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Randomize
