how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
