Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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