Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
two words...techno handjob
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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