so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
