Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
