That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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