Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
