remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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