Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize