i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
