Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
