doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
