I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
