ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
