you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
