Moan for me like Helen Keller
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
