Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I love how my cats smell like pot.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
