I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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