just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize