wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
