I am puke
I have demons in me.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My bed smells like the plague
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
