Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
being pregnant is like rehab
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Your cock deserves a montage
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
