i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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