Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
