"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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