I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
