Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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