I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
