We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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