Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
