You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
