I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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