Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize