its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
my sisters under your porch take her home
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
