I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
