She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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