In the future we'll all be gay
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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