Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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