can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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