I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
