So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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