Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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