my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
