im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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