Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he thought i was a dude.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
