I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
