I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
BRING THE BAGELS
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
