idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
