My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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