Sry I called you an 8
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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