roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
