there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize