do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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