Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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