I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
