I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
