best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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