Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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