my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
