We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
