did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
