I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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